In The Land Of Emo: Impersonate and Infiltrate
by Love-ChellyAnn
Summary: Bella and Edward notice a group of emo children at the mall one day. The two become curious as to why the emos dress and act the way they do. Hilarity ensues when the two parade around with the lot of them... for 'scientific' reasons... sure...
1. A Prologue of Sorts

**A/N: I'm bad! I'm starting another story! WHEN WILL I LEARN?!? I promise on the great gift of Christmas I will post a new chapter of TSS or COC or TT, just give me some time (like you guys haven't given me plenty) Please, just think of this new story as an early Christmas gift from me to you!**

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A Prologue Type Thing

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Deep within confines of the near-constant cover of clouds of Northwest Washington State, an inconsequential mall resided within the inconsequential town of Forks.

As per usual, even though it was nearing summer, a rainfall made its presence known to the happy-go-lucky, good, sometimes redneck people of Forks. Being a saturday afternoon and what not, a majority of Forks' youth decided to make the most of the northern downpour spent inside the one and only, very minuscule, Forks' Mall.

At the very heart of said mall sat a rather large water fountain. Many teenagers crowded the ledge of the fountain like animals did with a watering hole.

Within the mix of very ordinary children with very ordinary lives sat the black sheep within the group of snow white fleece.

(Unknown to) Forks' very own resident vampire-human couple: Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.

Bella, who normally couldn't tear her attention away from her begrudgingly in love boyfriend, now sat captivated by a group of teens.

She sat at the edge of her seat, as if she were watching some action-packed, thrilling, heist-esque movie. Edward, however, sat with an annoyed expression gracing his face and his arms folded.

"Bella, stop staring," Edward whispered under his breath.

Bella shook her head,"I'm sorry, but they are just _so_ interesting!"

Edward looked over at the clique she was staring at, "I suppose they have..... um, personality?"

Bella just ignored her vampire boyfriend, and continued to stare at the group of non-conforming pessemists. Non-conforming in the most conforming way, that is. The lot of them almost looked like clones of eachother. They all had the long, sideways bangs covering a single eye, and the eye that was visible was incircled in thin, dark strokes of eyeliner. Each fringe of bangs of each of the teens were artificially colored some sort of bright color in contrast to their black dyed hair. They all had an apathetic expression ontheir faces. Each of them wore skinny jeans with a chain hanging from the belt loops and either a 'Panic! At the Disco', 'Fall-Out Boy', or 'My Chemical Romance' t-shirt. All of them had a leather-bound journal tiled "Poetry of the Apathetically Dead".Some of them even wore thick rimmed glasses.** (A/N: Can you guess which clique stereotype I'm adressing yet?) **

"Just look at them. How often does it happen that we see a group of them at the mall?"

Edward stared Bella dubiously, "Every. Freaking. Day. Bella."

Bella stood up," They're pretty awesome!"

Edward looked up at girlfriend, "Bella, they're just no good punks. I fail to understand as to why you have some weird infatuation with a group of anti-social, pale, annoyingly apathetic, angsty teens."

Bella raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend, "Judging by the description of the kind of personalities you think they have, maybe my liking of them stems off of my loving and adoration for you."

Edward jumped to his feet, "What's that supposed to mean!?"

Bella looked at Edward cynically with her hands on her hips, "Are you serious? You just described yourself in a nutshell!"

"I am not anti-social, apathetic, or angsty!" Edward retorted.

Bella just shook her head, "Sorry, Ed. There's no way you'd be able to win this debate."

Edward crossed his arms and slightly pouted," Well, excuse me for having the characteristics of an Emo."

Bella pecked the slight pout on her boyfriend's face, "It's okay, I never said I didn't love your brooding ways."

Edward sighed, "I just don't understand them," he said, pointing to the group.

Bella rolled her eyes,"That's kind of the point. They feel like the world doesn't understand them."

"So?"

"That's why they act and dress the way they do," Bella explained.

Edward shoved his hands in his pockets," Huh, with all the time I've been alive, you would think I would have been able to figure that out."

A faint expression of curiosity spread on Bella's face, "I guess the only way to test that theory out would be to actually go Emo."

Edward stiffened next her, "I have a slight feeling I'm going to regret asking this, but what plan exactley is forning in that beautiful head of yours?"

Bella turned to face Edward with a gleam in her eyes, "We're going to impersonate and infiltrate the mysterious land known as Emo Land."

Edward opened his mouth to protest, but the faint sound of Edward's cell ringtone was heard.

_Haven't you people ever heard of closing a godd*mn door _

_It's much better to face these kinds of things_

_With a sense of poise and rationality_

Bella smirked, "Panic! At the Disco, huh?"

Edward's eyes shifted side to side, "Um, Emmett did that..."

"Um-hm, just answer your phone," Bella said doubtingly.

Edward grumbled and pulled out his cell phone. Before he had a chance to so much as say hello, he was greeted with a very high-pitched sqeal.

"Dammit, Alice! You do realise my hearing is about 100 times more sensative than a human's, right?"

"Sorry, but I'm really excited!"

Edward silently prayed, "About what?"

"I'm going to make sure you and Bella are the best Emos ever!"

Edward sighed, knowing he had lost the battle.

In the land of the Emo the loving couple would soon arrive at.

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**A/N: Just so all of you know, this is purely out of my weird love of dressing Emo, and is not meant to be offensive. And for all you P!ATD fans, I love those guys far too much. Brendon Urie is my idol! **

**Lots 'O Love,**

**CDC A.K.A Chelly A.K.A Chelsea**


	2. Two Beautiful Emos

**A/N: Here's the second chapter!!! Woah, this is the fastest I've ever updated anything!!!!**

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Chapter 1: Educating and Gaining the Look

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Alice Cullen, the usually happy-go-lucky, fashionista vampire of the Cullen family, was intimidatingly pacing the floors of her room. Unlike her usually more fashionable style of dressing, she wore green cameo pants with a green t-shirt that hung loosely from her elfin body. Gracing her feet were chunky, heavy, very ugly black combat boots that slapped against her wooden floors with each step. A smirk played on her lips as she slid a pair of black aviator sunglasses in place and chewed on some parliament.

Bella sat parylized with fear of seeing Alice so..... so serious looking. Alice was the type who wore the happy, carefree look much better.

"Alice, do we actually have to do this?" Edward asked.

The poor soon-to-be-emo vamp was referring to the chalkboard that sat in the middle of Alice's room. Underlined and bolded were the words "Emo Boot Camp".

Yes, friends, Alice Cullen would aid Edward and Bella through the winding pathway that lead to Land of the Emo.

Like any good teacher would do, Alice made sure she had essentials. Though instead of the classic pencils, papers, and binders, in there place stood various items such as various hair dyes and hair straitening devices. Laid messily on her bed were skinny jeans in all colors of the rainbow. Here and there were jewelery and clothes boxes from Hot Topic. Some hand and arm warmers were in the mix of clothes as well.

Alice stared at her brother like she was staring at some masked-murderer who just committed the felony of stealing candy from a baby. She shook her head, very disappointed in Edward.

"Of course we have to do this, Edward!"

Bella raised her hand hesitantly, "Um, Alice? Why exactly do we need to go through an "Emo Boot Camp"?"

Alice agitatedly through her hands up in the air, "I thought it be pretty freakin' obvious why you two would need to do this!"

She ran over to Edward and pinched the fabric of his green polo, pointed to his khaki pants, then pulled a strand of some gelled Edward-hair, "Look at this! You, my brother, can very well be labeled prep!"

Alice then grabbed the sleeve of Bella's red, flannel button down, "Your stereotype is tomboy!"

Bella and Edward looked at each other, and in unison said, " So?"

Alice slapped the palm of her hand to her forehead, "So, I have to prepare you two for the Emo lifestyle! You two will die out in The Land of the Emo without this boot camp!"

"Okay, so what are you going to do to prepare us?" Bella asked, slightly peeved at Alice's labeling of her and her boyfriend.

Alice picked up a long stick with a plastic index finger glued to the top. She smacked it against the chalk board.

"We learn the basics of Emotional Hardcore, or "Emocore", we learn the general style of clothing, hair, and makeup, and we learn how to write dark poetry."

Bella pulled out a spiral notebook she stole from Edward's backpack and fervently began writing down the agenda corresponding to the boot camp. Edward sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Let's first brainstorm the characteristics of what makes someone Emo and what makes some one a poser of the Emos."

On the left side of the chart, she wrote "Emocore", and on the right side she wrote "Poser".

"Now, Edward, Bella, who can tell me what would go under "Emocore"?"

Edward sat with a confused look on his face while Bella frantically waved her arm in the air.

Alice feigned thinking over her choices and theatrically moved her pointed finger in the air as if she was trying to find a volunteer in a large crowd rather than a room with only two students in it.

A devious smile spread over the pixie-like vampires face as she called out, "Ah, Edward! You look like you have an answer!"

Edward squirmed uncomfortably under Alice's expectant stare, " Um, black hair dyed in contrast to some bright colored stripped around the fringe of the sideways, spikey bangs that usually go in hand in hand with the whole Emo haircut?"

Alice smiled, "Exactley correct!"

Bella was still spastically waving her arm around, "Alice, pick me!"

Alice tapped Bella's head with the index finger, "Go for it, Bella."

"Tight, colorful skinny jeans and t-shirts of bands that sing about depression and break ups!"

Alice beamed with joy, "Hallelujah, I think you guys are finally getting it!"

Edward's eyes lit up, "Do we get to cut the boot camp up early?"

Alice's eyes dilated, "Hell, no!"

Edward crossed his arms and grumbled.

Alice wrote down the two ideas, and turned towards her brother and best friend, " Now here comes the easy part: What would go under poser?"

Edward and Bella looked at each other unsure if whether or not they should answer.

Alice sighed, and said, "I'll make this easy for you. Who at our school dresses like a total punk rocker but is far to peppy, girly, valley girl-like to be considered an actual Emo?"

Both Edward and Bella thought for a moment before they, in unison, answered, " Jessica Stanley."

Hard to believe, but so true. Jessica Stanley had taken to the punk style. She came into school one day in red skinny jeans and a "The Killers" t-shirt. She even went as far to get her nose pierced. Instead of acting hardcore as her looked suggested, she still ran around school spewing words of puppies and sunshine and rainbows and cheerleading that would have made any real punk rocker, such as Rob Weathervane from both Bella and Edward's biology class, puke. She was the true definition of poser.

Alice nodded and wrote Jessica's name under the "Poser" category.

"Now, after you finish coping down these notes, let's get down to the real basics that every Emo should know."

Alice picked up a piece of chalk and began writing, "Firstly, the term Emotional Hardcore or "Emocore" is basically just a genre of music. The genre can loosly be in correspondence to indie rock or punk, as well. The term was coined either in 1950 or 1980."

Bella took notes diligently as Alice spoke, and Edward started to impatiently tap his foot.

"An example of Emotional Hardcore or Emocore would indeed be "Panic! At the Disco", mainly their first album. Another stereotypical band of the Emocore standards would be "My Chemical Romance. An easy way to depict whether a band is "Emo" or not would be to listen to the sound of the instruments being played and the lyrics. Take "Panic! At the Disco"'s song "Build God, Then We'll Talk" for example."

Alice walked over to her iHome and turned her iPod on.

_It's these substandered motels on the lalalalala corner of 4th and Freemont street_

_Appealing only because they're just that unappealing_

_Any practiced catholic would cross themselves apon entering_

_The rooms have a hint of asbestos and maybe just a dash of formaldehyde,_

_And the habit of decomposing right before your very (lalalala) eyes._

_Along with the people inside_

_What a wonderful caricature of intimacy_

_Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy_

_Tonight tenants range from: a lawyer and a virgin_

_Rising with a rosary tucked inside her lingerie_

_She's getting a job at the firm come Monday._

_The Mrs. will stay wisay to the the cheating attorney_

_moonlighting aside, she really needs his money._

_A wonderful caricature of intimacy._

_Yeah (Yeah)_

_And not to mention, the constable, and his proposition, for that "virgin"_

_Yes, the one the lawyer met with on "strictly business"_

_as he said to the Mrs., only hours before,_

_after he had left, she was fixing her face in a compact._

_There was a terrible crash (There was a terrible crash)_

_Between her and the badge_

_She spilled her purse and her bag, and held a "purse" of a different kind._

_Along with the people inside_

_What a wonderful caricature of intimacy_

_Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy_

_There are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses._

_It's sleeping with the roaches and taking best guesses_

_So shed off the sheets and before all the stains_

_And a few more of your least favorite things._

_Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses_

_It's sleeping with the roaches and taking best guesses_

_So shed off the sheets and before all the stains_

_And a few more of your least favorite things._

_Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy_

_Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy_

_Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses_

_It's sleeping with the roaches and taking best guesses_

_So shed off the sheets and before all the stains_

_And a few more of your least favorite things._

_Raindrops on roses and the girls in white dresses_

_And sleeping with the roaches and taking best guesses_

_At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains_

_And a few more of your least favorite things._

Alice stopped her iPod and she turned towards Edward and Bella, "Now, what main components do you think "Panic!" had in their song that made their song Emocore?"

Bella hesitantley raised her hand, "Um, the lyrics make refrences towards drugs."

Alice nodded encouragingly, "And.....?"

"Oh! And the whole theme of the song centers around how the band thinks that the relationships that take place within the motel are just sad imitations of what real love is supposed to be, and that most of the people are just there for the sex."

Alice nodded her head then pointed towards Edward, "Dear brother, have you anything to contribute ?"

Edward scratched the back of his neck, "Um, the instruments are played in such a way that the whole song sounds somewhat depressing and dark?"

Alice patted her brother's head, "Yes, little Eddie. That is exactly correct!"

He swatted her hand, "Don't call me Eddie!"

The pixie like vampire ignored Edward, "Now we have that established, let's move on to the Emo look. Does anyone here know what the usual look of an Emo child is made up of?"

Bella, who was in the swing of things, confidently called out, "Hair cut so that most of the haircut is short with the bangs being longer!"

Alice wrote down Bella's answer on the chalk board, "Correct! Usually the hair will be dyed black, and the fringe of the bangs will be dyed a non-natural color, such as neon green or hot pink."

Edward called out, "They usually wear colorful skinny jeans and occasionally chains hanging from the belt loops, right?"

Alice nodded her head and wrote down the words, "They also wear a thin yet dark ring of eyeliner around their eyes and sometimes wear hand or arm warmers as an accessory."

Alice pulled out of one of her drawers a plastic baggy. Inside were fake, plastic, silver rings meant to look like facial piercings.

"Many tend to wear these little beauties on their ears, lips, and noses."

Bella nodded her head and scribbled noted down in the notebook sitting on her lap.

Alice threw the baggy onto the mountain of Emo clothes and erased the chalkboard.

After Alice finished, she wrote the words "dark poetry" in elegant script.

"This is fairly easy. All you have to do is write down BS about how you "feel the darkness surround you" and how you can "feel the acid of self hatred run through your veins"."

Alice handed both Edward and Bella each a loose-leaf sheet of paper and pencils.

"As practice for when the day you have to write dark poetry and share with a group, I want you two to scribble a busload of lies about how you "hate your life"."

Bella quickly jumped on the task and furiously began scribbling, whereas Edward was quite reluctant.

"Alice, do we really have to do this?"

Alice crossed her arms, "Do you want to be a good Emo or not?"

Edward grumbled some vulgar words under his breath and began writing.

After 10 minutes or so, Alice called attention to herself.

She clapped her hands together excitedly, "Who wants to go first?"

Bella waved her arm around in the air, practically standing up in her seat.

Alice pointed to Edward, "It looks like you have something to share. Go on."

Edward rolled his eyes as he stood up to read his poem.

_Dear Diary, Mood-Apathetic_

_My life is spiraling downward. I couldn't get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry concert. It sucks because they play some of my favorite songs like Stab My Heart Because I Love You and Rip Apart My Soul and of course Stabby Rip Stab Stab and it doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing either like the guy from that one band can do._

_I'm an emo kid, nonconforming as can be  
You'd be nonconforming too if you looked just like me  
I got paint on my nails and makeup on my face  
I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs_

_Cause I feel real deep when I'm dressing in drag  
I call it freedom of expression most just call me a fag  
Cause our dudes look like chicks and our chicks look like dykes  
Cause emo is one step below transvestite_

_Stop my breathing and slit my throat  
I must be emo  
I don't jump around when I go to shows  
I must be emo_

_I'm dark and sensitive with low self esteem  
The way I dress makes everyday feel like Halloween  
I have no real problems but I like to make believe  
I stole my sisters mascara now I'm grounded for a week_

_Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies  
I can't get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing  
Girls keep breaking up with me its never any fun  
They say they already have a xxxxx they don't need another one_

_Stop my breathing and slit my throat  
I must be emo  
I don't jump around when I go to shows  
I must be emo  
Dye in my hair and polish on my toes  
I must be emo  
I play guitar and write suicide notes  
I must be emo_

_...My life is just a black abyss you know? Its so dark and its suffocating me, grabbing a hold of me and tightening its grip. Tighter than a pair of my little sisters jeans...Which look great on me by the way..._

_When I get depressed I cut my wrist in every direction  
Hearing songs about getting dumped give me an erection  
I write in a LiveJournal and wear thick rim glasses  
I tell my friends I bleed black and cry during classes_

_I'm just a bad, cheap imitation of goth  
You can read me 'Catcher in the Rye' and watch me jack off  
I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life  
If I said I like girls, I'd only be half right_

_I look like I'm dead and dress like a homo  
I must be emo  
Screw Xbox I play old school nintendo  
I must be emo  
I like to whine and hate my parentals  
I must be emo  
Me and my friends all look like clones  
I must be eeeeeeemo_

_...My parents don't get me ya know? They think I'm gay just because they saw me kiss a guy...well a couple of guys but I mean its the 2000's can't 2 or 4 dudes makeout with eachother without being gay? I mean chicks dig that kinda thing anyways._

_I don't know diary sometimes I think you're the only one who gets me. You're my best friend. I feel like tacos._

Alice pinched the bridge of her nose, "Edward, you were supposed to create an original poem, not steal from geniuses like Adam and Andrew!"

Edward shoved his hands in his pockets, "As far as I'm concerned, the Emos haven't heard any other song other than which can be associated with "The Black Parade"."

Alice thought about Edward's logic for moment before agreeing, "Ya know, you're probobably right."

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Bella glanced awkwardly between Edward and Alice, "Are you two positive that I look Emo enough?"

Bella stood uncomfortably in a pair of black skinny jeans. She wore a yellow and red "Panic! At the Disco" t-shirt and a white hoodie with poke'mon characters on it. Her wavy hair had been subjected to the hair straightener. Instead of her hair's natural chestnut color, in its place was the dyed color "Bitchy Black". The fringe of her bangs was dyed a royal purple. Around her eyes were dark circles of eyeliner.

Alice looked at Bella with a speculative look while Edward stood bewildered.

"Alice, what did you do to her gorgeous chestnut hair?"

She answered absent mindedly, "Um, I used the Conair hair straightener and dyed her hair black. I used some temporary hair dye for the fringe of her bangs."

Edward's face crumpled in sorrow, "How could you do this to my poor Bella?"

Alice instantaneously snapped back into attention, "Have you paid attention to my lesson at all?! I _had_to Emo-fye her hair so that way calling her Emo would be somewhat legit!"

Edward wrapped his arms around Bella, "Did she hurt you, love?"

Bella hugged back, and in a wavering voice answered, "No more than usual, Edward. No more than usual."

Alice rolled her eyes at the two, "Quit your bitching, Edward. It's you turn now!"

Edward froze in mid-embrace and his eyes dilated to that of the size of the moon. **(Hehheh, A Panic! reference!)**

Alice stepped into her closet and beckoned Edward with her hand in a somewhat menacing way.

Edward gulped then hugged Bella one last time before turning away to his impending doom of Emo.

"Love, if I don't come out alive, just know I love you," he called to her melodramatically.

Bella nodded her head and folded her hands as if to silently say she was praying for him.

Edward turned around to say another piece of BS about how he was going to die, before he could as so much say "Love", an icy, white hand shot out from the closet and grabbed the collar of Edward's polo and pulled him in.

Screams of bloody murder were heard from the closet.

"Shut up, Edward. Stop being a baby!"

"Ow, that was my hair!"

"STFU!"

"OW! ALICE, WHY ARE YOU ABBREVIATING!?"

"All you have to do is put on these jeans!"

"That's all?"

"Yeah."

"OWWWWWW, UGH, ALICE! THEY'RE _REALLY_ TIGHT!!!"

Edward was still squirming uncomfortably when Alice shoved him out of the closet. He was wincing in pain.

Bella put her hand on Edward's shoulder, "Are you alright?"

Edward tried to stutter out a word, but gave up and buried his face in Bella's hair and tearlessly cried. Bella's eyes shifted around uncomfortably as she hesitantly stroked his hair in comfort.

Alice glared at her brother, "I make you the most good looking Emo, and this is how you repay me?!"

Alice's gaze turned to Bella, "Look at him, Bella. He's a beautiful Emo, isn't he?"

Bella untangled herself from Edward's tight hug and for the first time took his Emo-ness in.

Replacing Edward's usual, more practical clothes was the apparelof the ungrateful dead (not the band). His legs were covered in painfully tight, black skinny jeans. He wore a formfitting black "My Chemical Romance. On his feet were purple and black DC sneakers.

Bella shifted her gaze to Alice, "He looks great!"

Alice nodded her head spastically, "I know, and yet he's crying like a baby."

Edward's eyes turned grim, "Bella, you have no idea what she made me go through."

Alice's hands found her hips and sighed very annoyed, "Edward, we're not even done with you yet, and you're already crying! Bella was better than this!"

Edward's eyes grew panicked, "Whatta ya mean we're not done yet!"

"I still have to do your hair and makeup!" Alice yelled.

About 3 miles away, and only to vampire ears, Emmet's booming laughter was heard, "I always knew old Edward was gay!"

Edward snarled in response and turned to Alice, "Hit me with your best shot!"

Alice's aggravated face smoothed into a content grin. She led Edward and Bella into her bathroom.

Lined across the shelves of her bathroom wall were thousands apon millions of different hair and makeup products On the far east side of her bathroom were mirrors and chairs set up the way they would in a professional hair salon.

Edward sat down at one of the chairs while Alice scanned her inventory for the right hair dye and eyeliner.

She came back with an armful of hair dye, foil, seran wrap, towels and a baby's teething toy.

When Bella saw all the products in Alice's arms, she wrapped her arms protectively around Edward's hair.

"Bella, what are you doing?"

Bella continued to hug Edward's head, "I'm just enjoying the last few minutes I have with your beautiful disarray of reddish-brown hair."

Edward chuckled nervously, "You'll see my hair like this again."

Bella nuzzled her cheek against Edward's hair, "Not for a very, very, _very_ long time."

Edward was about to ask what exactly what his love meant by that, but then he saw the teething toy.

"Alice, what's with the baby toy?"

Alice set up all her dyes and turned towards her brother, "For you to bite on as I work on you."

"Wait, what?"

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**A/N: Finally, I finished! THANK YOU TO ALL 3 OF MY REVIEWERS!! You guys totally rock! I totally wouldn't have finished this chapter without your encouragement and what-not. **

**Love, Chelsea Herd**


	3. Meeting The Emos and a Condition

**A/N: Hola, my fabu readers!!!! Howdy Hey!!!! I keep forgetting my disclaimer, so here we go:**

**I swear on all that is Charlie the Unicorn that I do NOT own Twilight or any of its characters. Nor do I own the "Lindsay-Her-Hotness" title from Total Drama Action. Nor do I own Wizard's of Waverley Place's Harper's "I'll see ya in P.E" line. Or My Chemical Romance, Panic! At the Disco, AFI, or The YeahYeahYeahs OR Hot Topic.**

Meeting the Emos

The drizzly rain was (as usual) present on this somewhat depressing and gloomy day in Forks, Washington. Silver clouds hung lazily in the sky, covering the orange and yellow ball of fire from spreading its warmth.

The Forks' highway was having a slow afternoon, though there usually weren't many cars even when business was in full swing. A couple of black, white, and grey cars passed by. Even an occasional red car, though it was most likely a car coming from out of town.

Point being made, Forks was hardly buzzing with excitement. The only person out on the highway was a young 17 year old boy. He was aimlessly walking around the side of the highway in a little patch of grass set off to the side. This boy, apparently named Nikolai by a glance of his blue and white name tag, was filling in for his dear douche bag of a dad. His father, let's call him Mr. Douchebag, was currently passed out under the influence of alcohol after yet another late night drinking binge with his buddies. Now instead of aiding to his sickly mother and darling little sister and twin brother, Nikolai was playing kick-the-can on the side of a highway watching for any law breakers. Ashame Chief Swan wasn't able to realize one of the biggest law breakers in town was one of Forks' 'good' police officers. Ah, I'm getting ahead of myself; Nikolai's story is for another time.** (A/N: And dudes and dudettes? Nikolai's name is pronounced: Nick-oh-lie)**

Due to the lack of excitement, you could very well imagine Nikolai's terror when he saw a brief flash of yellow appear in the air and a girl's terrified scream. The wind exerted from the force of the barreling object left Nikolai's curly, dirty blonde hair sticking straight up in spikes. Nikolai stared in pure befuddlement, before shrugging his shoulders.

"I really need to stop playing Guitar Hero until three in the morning," he muttered, running his long and nimble fingers through his spikes.

Meanwhile, all ready three miles away from the confused Nikolai was the speeding yellow blur.

"ALICE! Why the hell are we going so fast?" Bella yelled, gripping onto Edward's arm for dear life. The two were squished into the back seat of Alice's canary yellow Porsche.

Edward sat stony faced with his arms crossed, "Where are we going, Alice?"

Alice, still in her boot camp general attire, slipped off her black tinted sun glasses. She glared at Edward using the rear-view mirror.

"That's General Alice-Her-Hotness to you, Private!"

Edward glared and tightened the grip on his arms, "I am not calling you that."

Alice's face grew infuriated, "ARE YOU GIVING ME LIP, PRIVATE?"

Edward sunk low into his seat truly frightened, "No, General Alice-Her-Hotness."

Bella hid her face in Edward's shoulder and she whispered, "Edward, I'm scared."

The vampire wrapped his arms around Bella, "So am I, Bella. So am I."

Alice growled and took her hands off the wheel and gripped the head of her seat while she turned around seething.

"I am REALLY FRICKEN' TIRED of you two critizing my methods of Emo-tism and-"

"Um, Alice?" Edward asked, cutting off his sister's rant.

Alice singled her glare at him, "You! Quit your belly-aching and just SHUT UP! I honestly do not know how Bella puts up with your sincere lack of gratitude towards genius-"

Bella timidly spoke, "Alice?"

Alice shut her eyes and screamed, "WHAT?!"

Edward glared and pursed his lips, "First off: Hands at 10 and 2, you should know that."

Bella wrapped her arms around Edward's neck in a chokehold, "Second: WATCH OUT FOR THAT BUILDING!"

Alice quickly turned around to grip the wheel of her Porsche. The tires squealed against the blacktop as they rapidly turned to the right, letting the car hastily turn just an inch away from hitting the building. Though Alice took her foot off the gas pedal, the momentum from the speed Alice was going at sent the car rolling toward a very terrified teen.

By some celestial miracle, the car halted to a stop just a mere inch away from the child paralyzed in fear. The child stood with his eyes wide, and his body was overcome with quakes. Ragged breaths escaped from his mouth.

Edward, Bella, and Alice looked stared at each other wide eyed, then they met the teen's shaken gaze.

The teen, a gangly, shaggy, brown haired boy, blinked once before screaming in delayed terror. The boy ran as fast as his long legs would let him while flailing his arms around.

Alice rolled down her window and stuck her head out.

"If you don't press charges, I'll give you free tickets to the next concert The YeahYeahYeahs have!" She called after him.

The boy's reply was a shrill scream.

Alice brought her head back inside the car, and she fell against her seat wit an audible plop and a sigh.

Edward closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of is nose in aggravation, "Why are we here, Alice?"

Alice's expression became animated, "Oh, right! I welcome you two to the Forks' Mall, scenic in the middle of nowhere!"

Bella's expression became confused, "Alice, we've been here before."

Alice rolled her eyes, "I know _that_, but not as Emos you haven't!"

Bella sighed, "I know I'll regret asking this, but why exactly are we here?"

Alice laughed, "Isn't it obvious? You two are going to try and join the Emo Society of Forks, duh!"

Bella smacked her lips together making a popping sound, "Well, then."

Bella inched closer to the driver's seat of the Porsche until she was sitting in it. She nonchalantly put her hands on the wheel.

She stared at her two vampires before she lightly layed her foot on the gas pedal.

"Well, I'll see you in P.E!" Bella yelled as she tried to press the pedal.

Before Bella could actually put pressure on the pedal, two strong, cold hands gripped her by the shoulders and lifted her from the seat. All the while she had her eyes squeezed shut, preparing for the illicit speed she was sure Alice had rigged the Porsche to do.

When Bella hesitantly opened one eye, she met Edward's stern look.

"If I have to go through with this, so do you. Besides, you were the one who _wanted_ to do this."

Bella , who's shoulders were still in Edward's grip, bared her teeth.

"You lied. You said you'd protect me from all the bad things, and here we stand in your sister's presence!"

Alice proudly beamed, "It's true, Edward. Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over!"

Edward agitatedly sighed as he lowered Bella to the ground.

"Bella, I don't disagree that my sister is evil. But we're going to end up meeting these Emo children one way or another. The real question is whether you'll willing walk into the mall, or if will have to drag you in."

"I'll run," Bella said, glaring up at her boyfriend.

"I can easily catch you and drag you back," Edward challenged.

"I can scream rape," she shot back, walking closer so that she was only an inch away from Edward's chest with her arms folded.

Edward tried to think of a comeback, but gave up and gave a wry grin, "Fine. You win this one, Isabella Marie."

Bella didn't break character, "As always, Edward Anthony."

Alice let out an impatient sigh, "If you two are finished with your lover's quarrel, shall we move on?"

Edward glanced at Bella. She glanced back at him before she sighed in forfeit.

"Fine," she grumbled.

To say Forks' Mall was interesting was an understatement. To say it was just interesting was putting it nicely. It was flat out weirder than a monkey riding a unicycle playing a harmonica to the tune of "Teenagers". **(Kellerz, that song mention is for YOU!)**

First off, the stores they had there were really odd. There was Mr. Chin's store, "Ring Tones up the Ying Yang". There, Mr. Chin taught Tae Kwon Do and sold cell phone ring tones over the internet. Then there was the infamous "Tattoos for Tots". There, a charitable organization gave kids ages 12 and under tattoos. Only God knows what the tattoos were made of, considering they didn't need the medieval instruments real tattoo shops used and yet the tattoos stayed on forever.

Those were only some of the odd shops Forks' Mall had. That didn't even include "Duncan's Low-Fat Donuts and Video Rentals" or "Weasels R' Us".

Despite the odd marketing, though, many of Forks' youth hung out there. Like the fateful day Bella decided to become obsessed with Emos, which for the record was yesterday, almost all of the teenagers of Forks were huddled around the water fountain.

Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley stood to the far left of the fountain scrutinizing every female within the room. Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley were tossing a football along with the other 'jocks' of Forks' High School. Eric Yorkie sat with Austin Marks discussing Chess strategies. Among few punks sat the notorious of all Rob Weathervane and his cult.

Rob sat with his back up against the bottom step of the large, white, marble fountain. His legs were slightly parted as he slouched, and his arms lazily rested upon his knees. He sat in what looked like a heated discussion with Brett Russel about AFI. Every time Brett would put down the band, Rob's forehead would pucker in annoyance and his jaw would unconsciously become strained.

Now that you have the picture of how many of Forks' High School kids hung around the mall, you could imagine the vexed feeling both Edward and Bella had as they entered the area of the water fountain. Every single child in the room had immediately stopped conversing and turned to stare at Bella and Edward's newly Emo-fied looked. Rob's posse sent more of an outraged glare rather than an appalled one.

Alice remained unfazed of the stares she and her brother and friend received as she hastily lead them to where most of the Emos hung around. While she walked, she shot out correct behavior that was acceptable to perform in front of the Emos.

"Remember guys, talk with an apathetic tone and try to keep actual expression to a minimum. No joking what so ever. Bella? Say no if they offer you any drugs. We're here for scientific research, not to send your life down a spiraling path to no where and loser ness. Actually, just don't do drugs, period."

Bella nodded, jotting down the notes in Edward's stolen spiral notebook.

"Do not take any form of transportation except a bus or taxi with them, because if you ride in one of their cars, they could very well take you East Jesus Nowhere. Don't talk to strangers, look both ways before crossing the street, and just say no if they offer to take you to a concert of a band that you've never heard of. Who knows what kind of groupies and druggies hang out at one of their concerts?"

**(A/N: East Jesus Nowhere is a Green Day song, correct? I heard the term used in while I was watching Juno, and I now thinking about it, I'm pretty sure that's a Green Day song.)**

Edward's eyes held confusion, "I understand about the concerts and all of that, but why are you telling us to look both ways and don't talk to strangers? That's common sense."

Alice laughed, "I know. There's nothing wrong with being reminded about the fundamentals."

Edward shook his head in amazement.

Before he could conjure up a cohesive retort, Alice stopped in her tracks in front of a Hot Topic store.

Alice grandly gestured to the two doors containing impending doom of the Emo kind, "Fly free, my baby birds. This is where we part in the journey of our scientific research of Emo-tism."

Edward and Bella looked at each other, uncertain whether they should enter or not.

"Now or never," Edward said as he opened the door.

Bella walked in, firmly gripping Edward's hand in tow.

Alice remained out side for about 15 seconds before a middle aged woman carrying a faux leather bag on her shoulder came by. Her mahogany hair was highlighted with a few streaks of grey. Her face had a light touch of wrinkles, but her mouth had laugh lines.

She looked at Alice and spoke with a voice heavy with tears, "Is this your first time giving up the people you love to the dark cult of Emo?"

Alice's lower lip puckered and her eyes crinkled with remorse.

"Yes," she whispered.

The middle aged woman put a comforting hand on the vampire's shoulder, "It never gets any easier, I'll tell you that much."

Alice opened her mouth to speak, but shut it as sobs overcame her body.

The woman took Alice in her arms, "Sh, sh. It'll be alright."

Hot Topic was one of the more regular stores the mall had to offer.

It was set up in an orderly fashion. Band and Pop Culture t-shirts were hung off of rails and stacked neatly on shelves. Belts and hats hung from little hooks on the far western wall. The cash registers were all lined up on the purchase tables. The walls were a royal purple and the ceiling was painted over black. The only abnormal thing about the shop's appearance was the occasional scary band posters that lined the wall.

That being said, the people who visited the store were usually far from normal. The cash register was manned by Fork's High School bad boy douche bag Rohan Vostro.** (To Kellerz, let's face it: If we ever get to make fun of Rohan, it's on this website)**

Rohan was a scrawny kid with chalky white skin. His eyes were always fixed in a permanent glare and his lips turned in a slight smirk. His hair was long and black and pulled back in a 2 foot long pony tail. He normally wore a singlet and a pair of black skinny jeans with a million or so chains hanging off of the belt loops. Lining his arms were extensive tattoos. On his lip, left corner of his left eye, and left ear were little silver hoop piercings. If you dared to talk to him for even a moment, the only thing you'd get would be a handful of snide remarks and some rude gestures involving the middle finger.

It was no surprise that five Emo children were huddled in the far right corner, hiding under a sinister shadow cast by the fluorescent lights.

If you didn't know better, you'd think they were clones of each other. They were wearing skin tight jeans and form fitting t-shirts. Sprawled across the chest of each shirt were the logos to "Green Day", "Panic! At The Disco", and "My Chemical Romance". They, of course, had the same haircut: Short in the back with long bangs. Their hair was all died black, and one even had his hair completely died a crimson red. Said kid had thick rimmed glasses as well. There was one girl in the group. Unlike her friends, her hair was waist length. Her bangs covered a single eye, which had a thick, dark ring of black eyeliner around it. Her t-shirt was a deep purple and had a purple and pink striped cat with a mischievous smile. **(A/N: If any one can guess which cat I'm referring to will win a mentioning in my story!!! HUZZAH!!!)**

Bella and Edward timidly approached the dark group.

Upon noticing the two, one of the Emo children looked from under his lashes. A dismal smirk played on his lips.

The boy turned to his friends, and in a surprisingly light and teasing tone, he said, "Well, guys, looks like we have some fresh meat."

The others ominously grinned back.

Inferring that the vampire and his human were not going to make the first move, the Emo boy jabbed his hands in his pockets and strode over to where the two were standing.

"Well, well, well," he said with a taunting tone, "Looky who we have here. Straight A Cullen and his adorable lady friend."

Edward raised his eyebrow, "How do you know us?"

"Well, there's the fact that you can't walk the halls of school without someone staring at you, and the fact that I'M IN YOUR BIOLOGY CLASS!"

Edward put his hands on his hips, "Oh."

Bella raised her hand, "I still don't know who you are."

The boy rolled his eyes, "Nic Powell, remember?"

"Who?"

Nic sighed ,"Little Nicolas Powell who's sister dressed him up as a girl and called him "Claudia" Nic?"

Thinking back at her summers she spent with Charlie, Bell faintly remembered a little boy her age named Nicolas. Though the Nicolas she remembered had sun kissed blonde hair, even within Fork's rainy weather. Back then, Bella only knew him as the boy who liked to skateboard and draw every waking moment. Nic once took Bella to his mom to fix her up when she fell on the sidewalk and gave her a juice box.

Snapping back into reality, Bella said, "Oh yeah, now I remember."

Nic nodded his head, "Good, now: What brings you two to Emo-nation?"

Bella and Edward looked at each other before looking at Nic, "We want to join you."

Nic turned around to the rest of his group. He beckoned them and they huddled in a circle. All that was heard was rapid whispering. Not a moment later, Nic turned back to Edward and Bella.

"Okay, you can join, if, you go through a little initiation," He said with a devious smile.

A/N: I finally finished this chapter!!! FINALLY!!! It's only 8 pages long, but wow it took me a long time. Though I did update faster than usual…..

And for all of you wanting to try out that Cat challenge? I'll give you a hint:

ThoughAlice_ Cullen_ is very much like this cat, another Alice does not enjoy this cat's witty and confusing remarks…. And Lastly: REVIEW!!!!


	4. An initiation And PLENTY of Immaturity

**A/N: Hello, my darling chickadees!!! Chapter 3.... er, 4? 3? Hmmm, I dunno, all I know is: it shall commence!!! I also have a Twitter, so go check it out! I'll put "important" Tweets about my stories!!! It's: twitter . com / chelseadacosta AND as I write this, I'm watching season 2 of True Blood! Eeeeep, can't wait for season 3! WARNING: Slight OOC on Edward's part. **____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bella and Edward stared at each other uneasily. An initiation? Only God knows what Nic had in his devious mind.

Nic noticed the couples' anxious expression and said, "That's if you two even meet the Emocore standards."

The nervous look still lingered on Bella and Edward's face. They didn't know there was going to be a test of whether they were Emo enough or not. They figured if they dressed and acted like an Emo, they were as good as the actual thing. Point being, they didn't have an actual story to tell that wouldn't get them on the bad sides of the Emos.

Nic looked confuzzled as to why the vampire-human duo still looked uneasy, but shook it off. His ego told him it was because they sensed they were in the presence of a great a Emo cult leader. Edward let out an indaudable snort upon hearing Nic's ego centric thoughts.

Nic turned to his group and beckoned. A large, brick-like, eerie looking teen approached Nic, Bella, and Edward. The brick had his entire hair, styled in a wild dissaray, dyed a deep crimson red. His shirt had a a sketch of Gir on the chest. Nic, who was scrawny on his own, looked downright emaciated next to the brick-boy. A permanent grimace was fixed on the stalky boy's face.

Nic gestured to his large friend,"This is Jon Thomas, call him J.T, though. He's here to make sure you two don't try to make a run for it while we question you."

Edward caught a few thoughts of J.T's. They centered around death, murder, and what time he had to be at Ring Tones Up The Ying Yang for his , a strong and agile vampire, swallowed uncomfortably and pulled Bella closer to his side. J.T just glowered at the couple.

Nic cleared his throat and handed out papers to Edward and Bella, "All you two have to do is fill out this resume type-thingies answering the more inate questions, then I'll ask you the question that really decides whether or not you get into the cult."

Bella and Edward shared a a bemused look; the questions were sure to be interesting.

* * *

Full Name: Isabella Swan

Age: 18

Favorite Band: Panic! At The Disco

Favorite dog combination:Schnoodle (Why???)

Celebrity you'd most likely want to see maimed: Justin Bieber (More like Justin _Beaver_)

Favorite Fanfiction author: LindsayLibra72

Please include 20 dollars don't ask questions, JUST DO IT!

* * *

Name: Edward Cullen

Age:17

Favorite Band: My Chemical Romance

Favorite dog combination: Cacapoo

Celebrity you'd most likely want to see maimed: Miley Cyrus

Favorite Fanfiction author: MrS. kAy CuLlEn

Please include 20 dollars don't ask questions, JUST DO IT!

* * *

Edward glanced at Bella upon reading the last sentence of the resume. He reached into the pockets of his very tight jeans and pulled out two twenties for himself and Bella.

Bella shot Edward a dissaproving look but he handed Nic their resume and money before she could protest.

Nic snatched the papers out of Edward's hands and scrutinized the forty dollars Edward had given him. After he was sure Edward had no intentions of scamming him, he stuffed the resume thingies and money into two separate envelopes and handed them off to another one of the Emos. The Emo with the envelopes now in hand hastily scribbled the words "Win Stuff From Comix" on the front of both. The Emo kid then blew a small silver whistle, hanging on a chain around his neck, and then a a Collie appeared at the front door of Hot Topic. The Female Emo opened the door and threw the dog a biscut as it ran foward to the Emo with the envelopes. The Emo crouched down and trapped the envelopes safely under the Collie's collar. Thae Emo whispered something to the dog and then with a slight nudge to the Emo kid's face, the dog dashed out from the store.

An extremely pissed off expression made its leeway on Edward's face. Bella slightly nudged his side and gave him a questioning look. Edward just shook his head and threw a disgusted look towards Nic.

"What did you use our money for?" Edward asked through his teeth.

Nic tried to act non-chalant, "Oh, nothing. I just sent your resume to Comix Inc. so I could win a free hover board, nothing big."

Edward, for what seemed like the twentieth time that afternoon, pinched the bridge of his nose in agitation. He took two deep breathes and cleared his throat.

"You spent our money on a scam toy. The only thing you're going to get in the mail is a skateboard deck without the wheels and a little roll of parchment saying to you use your 'imagination' to fly it."

Nic glared at Edward, trying to look menacing while simultaneously trying to think of a good comeback. After a minute or so of Nic sputtering wordlessly, a little light finally clicked inside the scary mind of the child.

Nic straightened his back and looked the vampire right in the eyes, "Yeah? Well, your momma!"

The lanky Emo boy burst into a fit of laughter, and with his right hand encouraged the others to join his merriment. Edward and Bella stood amongst the other oddball children inconfuzzlement.

Edward put up a hand in attempt to stop the explosive laughter, "I'm sorry, was that supposed to be a comeback?"

Nic, who was now in a crouched position with his hands on his knees, looked up at Edward from underneath his bangs with a glower, "C'mon, Cullen. Let me have this victory just once."

Edward rolled his eyes and shoved his hands in his pockets and with sarcastic monotone said, "Oh, no. Your malicious words of callousness burn deep."

The Emos continued their chortling until Bella grew annoyed, "GUYS! Can you just give us our initiation objective?"

Nic straightened up and popped the non-existent collar of his t-shirt. J.T, who didn't even crack a smirk during the 'defeat' of Edward, deepened his glare directed at the vamp-human couple.

Nic gestured to J.T, then to the floor. J.T then rose to the floor on his hands and knees. Then, a much shorter Emo of the group sauntered his way out of the huddle and towards J.T. The Emo didn't look over the age of 12. He, unlike the other Emos, had a slight shag of a haircut. As usual, it was died black with purple and pink highlights. His shirt, oddly enough, had a picture of Shaun White skateboarding. The boy also wore thick rimmed, black glasses . The boy dug around hid pants pocket and pulled out an infirm, crumpled, coffee-stained piece of folded paper. Upon the paper's retrieval, he climbed onto J.T's back and stood up. He cleared his throat and read with a slightly girlish yet monotone voice, "Congratulations, you brooding child slash children. You are being considered a spot in Forks' Emo Society of Emo Stuff, A.K.A F. E. S. E. S."

Bella giggled, "Heh, he said 'feces'."

Edward was about to question Bella's maturity before he uncharacteristically laughed, "Hehheh, 'feces'...."

The boy read unshaken, " First, you must pass initiation 'insert-name/names-here'. Huh? Oh! I mean Edward and Bella. This initiation has three parts. The first being you must tell WHY you have gone Emo. The second being a test of Emocore, and the third participating in whatever theme day the day is today."

Edward nodded, "Easy, enough."

Nic grandly waved his hand at the vampire, "You're up, Eddie. Tell us why the successful Grade A child of a doctor has gone Emo. Remember, what answer you give will decide whether you continue to your next two challenges."

Edward shifted nervously under Nic's gaze. When the human put it that way, it made Edward's story sounded more pseudo and fictitious and just plain pathetic. He rubbed the back of his neck and his eyes shifted around the room. He started in a faux monotone accent.

"Well, I, uh, my _puppies_, um, were killed. Yeah, they were killed, and um..... I'm sad? And I live a life of drugs and cheap sex!"

Bella gave Edward an amused look at the last part of his "sob" story. He smiled sheepishly back. Nic nodded thoughtfully and whispered to his Emo friends.

He turned to Bella, "Your turn, princess."

Edward let a small growl rumble low in his chest. He glared at Nic.

Bella looked as confident as an Emo child could, "I'm dark and sensitive with low self esteem. I like to whine and hit my parentals. I bleed black and cry during class"

Edward gawked at her. All his Bella did was copy his poem's words. (Which, admittedly was stolen from Adam and Andrew's Emo Kid song, but still!)

Nic didn't even bother consulting his Emo team. He just smiled, "You're in, Bella."

He turned to give Edward a sardonic look, "You. Well, Cullen, you we'll have to work on."

Edward grumbled what sounded like a string of profanities.

Nic ignored Edward and explained what the couple had to do in order to be a "true" Emo, " Your initiation objective is to steal a valuable item from the Punks, A. K. A Robert Weathervane and his cult."

Edward and Bella looked at each other an unflappable emotion. With Edward's stealth skills, it'd be a piece of cake.

Nic noticed this exchange, "But because I'm feeling more mean than usual, Ima give you specific quota calls to fill. Edtard, you can help Bella form a plan, but only Bellsyboo here can put said plan into action."

Bella closed her eyes in defeat and hung her head back and groaned, "Dammit."

The younger Emo child of the group interjected, "We also have a slight contest going. The best possession we've stolen from Weathervane has been his autographed CD case of P!NK. If you manage to score better swag, then not only will you be in, but we might actually consider not signing you up for morgue work as a joke like we did to Gregory Stevenson whom you've never seen around the mall because, well, let's just say he's in a better place now."

Bella shuddered slightly, "I've come in contact with both over grown dogs AND bloodsucking creatures, and I've never been more creeped out than I am now."

Nic ignored Bella's complaint and continued, " Now, about the theme days. Every day, understandably, has a theme. Today, being a Friday, is Awkward Friday. It's a fabulous day where you must end as many sentences as possible with "in my pants" or "in bed"."

Bella had blushed a bright crimson whereas Edward groaned at Nic's immaturity. Though, he WAS the one laughing about the Forks' Emo thingie's unfortunate acronym sounding a lot like 'feces'**.(Pardon my immaturity, I couldn't help but throw that nasty toilet humor in there. I guess watching South Park and Family Guy has taken a toll on my humor....)**

Bella wanted to protest, but before she could so much as say a single word, Nic held up a balled fist. He lowered his head and opened his hand to reveal an ebony ball in the palm of his hand. He swiftly turned his hand upside down and released the ball, creating a smoke screen and an escape alibi. When the smoke cleared up, Nic and the Emos were no where to be found.

"Emos seem to be weirder than we feared," Edward whispered extremely annoyed.

Bella smiled with genuine happines, "I dunno, I'm kind of enjoying myself."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so kinda short, I know. And extremely immature. But hey, I have 9 more years before maturity needs to make its presence in my personality. This only introduces what Edtard and Bella have to do to be in the Emo crowd. Next chapter shall be titled "Mr. & Mrs. Cullen" for extremely parody reasons. You shall find out soon enough! P.S: My b-day was yesterday! I'm no longer an immature 11 year old, but an immature 12 year old!!! HUZZAH! I'm feeling extremely sleep deprived and I'm gonna hit the sack...... night!**


	5. Mr & Mrs Cullen Super Stealers YAY!

Edward Cullen had never been troubled over something as superficial as to whether or not he was good enough to be in a certain clique. Not even when he was human. But Bella Swan, as he had come to learn, made many changes upon her arrival into his life. Whether it was changing his outlook on life, turning his rather sour moods into cheerful, giddy ones, or changing his look so that way he looked even more pale and apathetic than usual, Bella was his girl. He'd do anything for her.

Which was exactly why he stupidly agreed to go along with his lovely girlfriend and sister's idea of going Emo. The process had been no less than extraordinarily painful, even to his strong vampire physique. The hair dye that would take what seemed half of the eternity he would still live for was bad enough, the tight clothes...... oh, god! It was wise to not mention tight clothes in front of him _ever_ again. He was vampire, indestructible and hard, but that didn't stop the chaffing he was experiencing. Especially around certain pelvic regions. It was worse than a skateboarder doing a grind on a rail to only lose his balance and... erm.... "rack his sack" head on.... if ya catch mah drift. Point being, being Emo positively sucked more than a young child on his jabbed finger. But if Bella wanted to see what Emo was like, then so be it.

As you can see, Edtard was totally whipped.

Edtard was Edtardedly whipped out of his mind.

* * *

Said Edtard was currently pacing outside the mall of Forks with his cell phone in hand. Bella sat with a chihuahua that unexpectedly showed up and grew a creepy attachment to her in less than a minute on the curb of the sidewalk. She was cooing to it, calling the dog "Cupcake". Edward couldn't help but smile. It was kind of endearing how all animals seemed to love Bella. Rather funny how all of the same animals hated Edward. It is possible that it might have something with the fact that he ate most of their kind, but I'm only tap-dancing with that theory.

Edward felt slightly uncomfortable as he dialed Alice's cell phone. It felt to him as if someone, somewhere, was reading his Emo adventures and laughing at his insufferable time. He shook it off and blamed it on the Emo children he was spending more than enough time with when Alice picked up.

"What, Edward? I'm in the process of dying that Golden Retriever from down Bella's block's fur."

Alice's sentence completely threw off Edward off. He tried to form sense of his sister's words, but could not, and gave up.

"I-I'm sorry, _what_?"

A huff was heard from Alice's end of the line, "Look, Edward. What I do in my spare time is completely up to me. Do not judge or question my reasoning. Now, What. Do. You. Want. And make it snappy, I have to deep condition a parakeet's feathers in about 5 minutes."

Edward ignored his sister's odd sentence this time, "Bella and I are kind of in a small predicament. We have to steal something from Robert Weathervane's cult of punks. We need to devise a plan and somehow pull it off with _only_ Bella doing any of the dirty work."

Alice sighed, "You interrupted my medi/pedi and facials with a cat for something as simple as _this_? I know it seems hard, considering how clumsy Bella is, but think about it: All the guys go gaga over her. All she has to do is attempt to be the slightest alluring, and you've got this initiation crap in the bag!"

"I knew that, Alice. I was kinda hoping you could come up with a different plan so that way we kinda wouldn't have to do that kinda plan that would kinda show Bella off in a way I kinda don't like."

Alice laughed, "And is someone _kinda_ jealous?"

Edward could just picture the mocking pout on Alice's face now.

Edward sighed in frustration, "I am not jealous."

Alice laughed again, "Really? Cause I think Eddieboo is!"

"DON'T CALL ME EDDIEBOO!"

Alice's voice turned serious, "Look, just put aside your unnecessary jealous feeling and do my plan. It'll have wonderful results, I tell you! DON'T BET AGAINST ME!"

Edward was about to retort before the sound of the dial tone was heard.

Edward seethed, "Damn pixie hung up on me."

Bella looked up to Edward, still stroking the chihuahua's fur, "What are we going to do?"

Edward sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets. He debated on telling her about Alice's way of going about the initiation, but decided against. His jealous feeling were too strong for him to actually bear Bella trying to lead another boy on.

"I was thinking we do something along the lines of a secret agent action plan."

* * *

Edward and Bella walked back to Hot Topic after their 15 minutes to come up with a plan were up.

Nic was there with a bemused smile. His mind was thinking nothing but cheerful thoughts of the vampire-human duo being beaten to a pulp by some very angry punks. He was quite an evil and just plain mean spirited child, Edward had come to notice. He had been expecting thoughts of deep poetry and suffering, not enjoyment of pain.

Go figure.

Anyways, before Nic could send Edward and Bella on their initiation, he beckoned to J.T. The neredowell child stalked forward, still with menacing grimace on his face. Bella unconsciously backed away, gripping Edward's hand. For an apathetic child, J.T must have felt a whole lot of anger from within.

"Just so I know you are doing every part of your initiation and Eddie boy here doesn't help, 'ole J.T here is gonna watch you with undivided attention. If you mouth off to J.T, let's just say we _might_ come to the funeral," Nic smirked.

Edward had to choke back a laugh. His vampire-ness could beat the blocky teenager any day.

Bella, on the other hand, looked paler than the vampire standing next to her. Edward tried to subtly shake her rigid stance. She just gripped Edward's hand with more force. It would take a crowbar to dislodge her from him.

Nic smiled with fake kindness, "Any questions?"

"Well, I-," Bella timidly raised her hand before she was interrupted.

"No? Good. Done."

As Nic said this, he put his hands on the back of Bella and turned her around, along with the two unhappy men by her side, and shoved them out the doors of Hot Topic. He sighed euphorically.

"It feels good to be boss."

The youngest member of the group, the child looking one, was about to agree before Nic put a finger to his lips.

"Go get me a soda.'Kay?"

The child nodded frantically and dashed out of the room looking for the nearest soda machine.

* * *

Contrare to Edward's belief, Bella was actually quite nimble on her feet.

Well, at least when it came to stealthy stealing with a grappling hook in her back pocket and a ski mask covering most of her face. The two had devised a plan so fool proof that even a caveman could do it in fifteen minutes or less. Edward had "borrowed" (stolen) some headset walkie talkies from the storage unit at "Weasels R' Us". Bella's was cleverly hidden under her hat with the microphone, a minuscule little dot on her shirt if you didn't know any better, clipped on the collar of the tshirt she was wearing. Edward's headset was free to be out in the open; he didn't have to do anything but whisper strategic plans worth Mission: Impossible. He didn't have to be too stealthy.

Edward had a face of no expression as he performed a regional analysis," slight wind.....4 safe zones.....hilly south-south-west of target."

Bella groaned, "Edward, I know you live with Jasper, so you understand all this battles stuff. But me no speaky your battle talk."

Edward grinned,"Just performing a regional analysis."

Bella yanked off her ski cap, leaving her mahogany hair in a disheveled jumble. She through the cap from behind her back. It flew through the air and floated gently down on an old dude's bald head.

"Why? All I have to do is climb through the mall's vent system and locate the precise opening above the music store Rob usually hangs out in, send in the chihuahua," she pointed to the dog tucked under her arm,"to divert them, and-"

Edward put up his hands in protest, "Wait, what? How does the dog catch a punk's attention? I don't even think punks _like_ puppies, or anything cute, for that matter."

The dog simply stared up at Edward with its big, blue, slightly bulgy eyes. He smiled a sweet puppy smile and wagged his floppy creamy white and auburn colored tail. The dog squirmed out of Bella's grasp and pranced forward and stood on his hind legs and rested his front legs on Edward's leg. He yipped.

Edward stared at the small animal, somewhat hypnotized,"Scratch my last comment. This little guy will definitely work."

Bella smiled and scooped the puppy up into her arms again.

J.T impatiently grunted. Bella jumped somewhat startled and reached for the grappling hook in her back pocket. The girl slipped the puppy in a vest she "borrowed" from the local pet store. She darted to a nearby Foot Locker. Bella stood directly under the vents and aimed the the gun looking thing in her hand. Edward crossed his fingers; he prayed she wouldn't get hurt. Bella looked away and pressed the button, and a swoosh was heard as the hook sailed through the air.

_Clank!_

Bella hesitantly opened one eye to check. The grappling hook's claw was securely latched on to the opening of the vents overhead. Bella sighed in relief and looped the tiny gun attached to the line through the loop of her jeans. She tugged on it to make sure it was secure and then took a deep breath. She looked back to Edward through the Foot Locker's large window. He was hiding in an artificial bush, along with J.T, placed next to a bench with an old couple sitting next to it. He poked his head out with a smile and gave Bella two thumbs up. The elderly couple noticed Edward's disarray of hair and stared at the young vampire sitting in the bush. He felt their eyes and did a double take before a panicked expression crossed his face. He stared at them before sinking slowly into the bush like a submarine immersing into the depths of an ocean. J.T continued to glare, grunted, then sunk in the same manner Edward did.

Bella smiled a wry smile directed to herself and started to descend up the line cast by the grappling hook. Surprisingly, she had the climbing skills of a squirrel. She was quick and agile. Just as she was no more than 10 feet away from her destination, the line broke. Edward dashed out of the bushes with his arms open, prepared to catch Bella, prepared to jump crazy high in the air if he had to. Instead of flailing her arms and screaming like anyone who knew her thought she'd do, Bella simply sighed in annoyance and did a triple front flip. She landed on an iron wired ledge reserved for employees only with a crouch. Bella straightened her composure and flipped her hair stared at a dumbfounded Edward with his arms still wide opened. Bella did a quick glance at the platform she was on. She looked back at Edward.

"Did you know there was a ladder leading up here, right under the vent entrance?"

"Oh," was all Edward could muster.

The chihuahua yipped angrily, almost scolding.

Bella shot Edward a look, then fished a screw driver out of her pocket. She unscrewed the bolts of the entrance to the vent system. Without struggle, Bella hoisted herself up. She turned her headset on.

"Okay, Edward. I'm in. Give me directions."

Back in the fake plant, Edward took out a crumpled map of the ventilation system. He smoothed out some creases and began to fire out directions.

"First, go straight until you reach the third tunnel, take a right, then a left, then a right, then a left, and a right, then a left and a right. Then go straight and take a right then a left."

Bella easily kept up as she crawled through the dusty air vents. The dog proved to be quite a handy man. Held in his whiskered mouth was a flashlight lighting their way. Bella's screwdriver was clamped between her teeth. When Bella finally took her last left, she came upon another vent opening directly above an ironically named music store "I 'Aint No Stinkin' Punk, So Don't Tell Me That I Am". Also ironically owned by Rob's older brother Julian "Jules" Weathervane. Looking through the entrance, she saw Rob, Brett, and all his other friends who Bella couldn't be bothered to remember the names of. As Chad Dylan Cooper once said, "That would take time and interest and- 'scuse me." ..... Or something like that.

Looking up the quote would take time and interest and- on with the story! **(A/N: Just saying.... I have another unhealthy obsession besides Twilight, True Blood, and Glee, and that is Sonny With A Chance.... don't ask why, I don't know. I CAN'T HELP WHAT I'M IN LOVE WITH! Gosh!)**

"Okay, Edward, I'm about to lower the chihuahua in. What exactly am I stealing again?"

Edward didn't answer.

"?"

"Bella, to make this whole thing more like an actual spy-steal mission, you should end your sentence with over. Over."

Bella rolled her eyes. For a 107 year old and _count_ing (hehheh) vampire, Edward could be the immature 17 year old boy who's body he was stuck with.

"Fine. Now what did want me to steal. Over."

Edward's face brightened,"Rob's dvd volume 1 set of the first 13 episodes of Glee! Road to Sectionals! Over." **(A/N: You got me talking about what I'm obsessed with, and I just had to throw that in there!) **

"Edward, how is that valuable? We could get that at Wal Mart."

Edward didn't reply.

Bella rolled her eyes again, "Over."

Edward chuckled, "I know that. But his is special because while he was at Blockbuster buying it, both Cory Monteith and Chris Colfer were there, too! Rob was all OMG, OMG, and got their autograph on the case! Over."

"How do you know he's got the Glee thingy on him? Over."

"Because," Edward replied tapping his forehead, "I know everyones' thoughts. Over"

Bella raised her eyebrows in amusement, "Right. I forgot. Over"

"Before you go, this is kind of like Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but cooler!"

Bella thought for a second,"Yeah, it kind of is. More like Mr. & Mrs. Cullen, but not at the same time!"

Bella unscrewed the bolts of the vent's door and hooked the puppy in a harness. She lowered the dog through the hole. The dog had somehow acquired a brown leather fedora and sunglasses. When dog reached the ground, somehow trained to do so, bit a string from the harness he was in. The harness fell of its tiny body and he walked out of it. The dog looked up to Bella. She made a peace sign with her hand turned sideways pointing to the flock of punks. The dog nodded and proceeded to work its cute on the punks. Cries of "Cute!" and "Awesome sunglasses" were heard from the group. Bella nodded triumphantly to herself and dropped down from the landed easily on her feet next to the check out counter.

Bella tucked and rolled behind the counter. Laying in a heap on the floor was a yellow backpack with Rob's name on it. Literally. Written in almost illegible chicken scratch. Bella quickly unzipped the bag and reached in for the dvd case. When she found what she was looking for, Bella whisper laughed evilly to herself. When she turned to leave, she was met with an angry punk Rob staring at her. She gulped.

"Whatta ya doing with that," Rob asked.

Bella did the first thing that came to mind. Seeming to forget she could simply mention Edward and Rob would immediately back off, she did a series of odd hand gestures and facial expressions. Somewhere in that odd mix was the wave and a little bit of "All The Single Ladies" put a ring on it and waggle finger dance moves. Rob stood there and silently questioned her sanity with a raised eyebrow. Bella went with her Plan B.

First she talked to Edward via her headset,"Meet me at the doors of the music store by food court. Make it quick," then she pointed at her chihuahua, who was tsill schmoozing the punks,"My minion ATTACK!"

The dog immidietly shut off its cute charm and ran towards Rob's ankle with bared teeth. The dog latched onto the punk's ankle and a deafening scream was heard as Rob toppled over on the floor in pain. The other punks stood in shock.

Bella swiftly ran towards the front door while picking up the dog from the floor in the process. Edward was there waiting for (Along with J.T.) She jumped on his back.

"Run like the wind, Edward! Run. Like. The. Wind!"

* * *

A/N: Huzzah! I'm finally finished! With this chapter. There's like, a bajillian more to go. Sort of. I don't know, I'm completely winging it with this story. I have no idea what's gonna happen next. I just make it up as I go along. AND IT IS FUN! Review.... and stuff. I hope 'yall are glad I finished this, it took time away from me working on my stupid book report and science project. Not that I'm complaining!

-C.D.C (Funny, I can just _BARELY_get away with that! 'Cause my name is **C**helsea **D**a **C**osta. I sort of get away with it! YAY!)


	6. Stupid Douche Vamp

**A/N: Hey, guys! I updated again, YAY! Wooh, Chellerz is on a roll! I apologize in advance if the spelling and mechanics of this chapter are messed up. This chapter is dedicated to my bestest friend who recently moved: KELLY!!!! I miss you, gurrrrrlll!**

* * *

All was relatively loud in the lone mall of Forks. Inane teenage chatter filled the halls. Old grandmas bragged about how their grandsons called them everyday. Small children cried at the boredom of being dragged to said mall with their mothers for clothes shopping. Despite the rather noisy day at the mall, it didn't-couldn't-provide enough sound to cover the extremely audible noise of granite breaking through the walls.

Red dust and debris from the fallen breaks of the tiny building settled in the air. Many heads turned towards the direction of the wall, which now had a gaping hole the size of a seemingly lanky teenage boy. When the dust had evaporated, a series of gasps were heard throughout the less than hallowed halls of the mall. Emerging through the teenage boy shaped hole was 17 year old Edward Cullen and his girlfriend, who clung to his body for dear life. Edward dusted himself off and closely inspected Bella for any signs of injury.

"Bella, are you all right?" he asked in a worried tone.

Bella glared at her vampire and hissed, "I told you to watch where you were going!"

Bella then stared at the other humans in the mall. They all stared at the vampire-human-hybrid couple with shocked expression. Two teenagers, a lanky looking one and one who could barely balance on her own two feet, had just some how accumulated enough force to smash into a brick wall and appear to be completely fine.

A little boy broke the silence,"Mommy, is that boy Superman? He brokeded an entire whole_ brick wall_!"

The mother stared at her toddler with her mouth hanging open. She pulled the boy closer to herself. Whispers were heard throughout the crowd.

Edward, finally realising the situation they were in, loudly whispered,"How much of that did you see?"

A chorus answered back,"You totally flying through a brick wall."

Edward's nostrils flared nervously as his eyes darted around the room in haste of coming up with an explanation. When he finally thought of a proper reaction to one's colliding with a brick wall, you could visibly see the idea brighten his eyes. He carefully put Bella back on her feet. He layed down on the floor in a stationary position. He theatrically squeezed his eyes shut and grabbed either sides of his arms with a fierce grip.

"Oh, and it hurts _so_ much! Curse you, you wretched brick wall!" he yelled out in feigned pain.

The crowd, although not the brightest of bulbs in the tanning bed, did not buy Edward's clearly fake story for a moment. Whispers erupted throughout the crowd again, some claiming that Edward was the new Messiah. Bella reacted on impulse to save her at-the-moment very stupid vampire boyfriend's butt.

"Yo, three for one sale down by Electronics Emporium. Half price off on all lap tops and cell phones!" She yelled to the crowd.

Bella had played her part well. If there was any thing the good people of Forks loved more than dairy based products, it was fancy electronics that were insanely expensive bought for half price. Cheers broke out from the crowd. A stampede of people ran in a huge group towards the small exit at the end of the room's long corridor. A mob of nerdy teenagers lead the group, waving their iPhones in the air. The screens of the iPhones all had a digital flame burning to imitate a flame burning at the top of a torch.

When the last of the crowd finally trickled out, Bella raised a very disbelieving eyebrow.

"Really, Edward, really? For a very skilled vampire, you suck at acting."

Edward groaned, "I wasn't good at it as a human, I'm not good at it now. Excuse me if I'm no Zac Efron."

A confused expression crossed Bella's face,"Who?"

Edward's eyes darted around the room again,"Uh, nothing. Weekend stuff. Pssh, it's not like I watch High School Musical, if _that's_ what you were thinking."

Bella shook her head,"Right. Never mind, c'mon, we have to go find Nic and his group."

Bella took Edward's hand and started to tow him in the direction of Hot Topic. Before the two reached the end of a corridor, slow and steady clapping echoed through the hallowed halls. It started out slow, then became erratic, like those cliched slow claps that gradually grew into a large and thunderous applause. Then, the claps became slow again. Then erratic, bipolar clapping set Edward off. He turned around to meet a very coy faced Nic Powell. His hands were now folded behind his back. He walked towards them haughtily.

"Good show, good show. I had a hunch about you, mister Cullen. I knew you were something otherworldly." He said, waggling his finger in the air.

"Wh-what do you mean," Edward asked nervously.

Nic chuckled,"It's obvious you're not completely skilled by yourself, you have something in you that gives you you're extra swagger."

"Swagger?"

"Ya know, the tough guy macho-ness good looking suaveness? I know your secret," Nic said in a teasing tone.

Bella was about to blurt out the v-word (Vampires, you dirty minded child, you), but Edward clamped his hand over her mouth. It was of silent agreement that the two would let Nic reveal his hypothesis and let him think whatever he wanted. Whatever the boy came up with would be less worse than the actual answer.

Edward looked at Nic square in the eyes,"You know, do you?"

Nic nodded his head,"Yup."

Edward grabbed Nic by the shoulders and rather roughly shoved him against the broken wall.

"Say it. Say it out loud," he demanded through gritted teeth.

"Spiderman 2.0." the scrawny boy whispered.

Nic's answer slapped Edward in the face. He had been expecting something much worse. Something that might actually threaten his family's secret. It took everything in Edward's body not to burst out venom? True, his guess did include venom, but posed to be closer to a super hero rather than the blood-thirsty creature Edward really was. He hid his smirk and disguised a laugh that escaped him as a cough.

"How did you ever find out?" Edward asked, his voice wavering in near laughter.

'I'll admit I had my theories before. My first hunch was when Bella first moved here. I was walking by the salad bar and I heard her talking to you about kryptonite and spider bites. No one except for Eric Yorkie ever talks about that stuff, so why would someone like you, drop dead gorgeous dude by a unanimous vote from girls and some guys, be talking about a nerd subject? My conclusion is that you must be Spiderman's long lost brother: Spiderman 2.0."

Edward and Bella shared a sideways glance.

"Yeah, sure, let's go with that," they said in unison.

Nic turned back to look at his group and popped his still non existent collar, "Toldja."

The group of Emos grumbled in defeat as they handed over dollars to Nic's outreached hand.

Bella stared at them unbelievingly,"You guys seriously made bets?"

Nic smiled triumphantly in response as he stuffed the dollar bills in his pocket.

Edward had slowly but surely learned that it was better for all included that he should never question an Emo's motives. He shrugged the Emmett-and-Jasper-like behaviour of making bets off.

"Are we in your little cult, or not?" the rather irritated vampire asked.

Nic gave Edward a smirk,"You guys didn't complete all of the task."

It was Bella's turn out of the entire Emo mess to be annoyed,"Are you friggen serious? I DID A STINKIN' FLIP IN THE AIR TO GET A STUPID GLEE DVD! It's even signed!"

Nic chuckled,"Tell 'em what they forgot to do, Flint."

The youngest looking member of the Emo cult, apparently named Flint, emerged from the confines of the groups' clustering.

In his rather girly voice, he said,"You never once included the rules of Awkward Friday. You never ended a sentence with "In my pants" or "In my bed"."

Edward, who was prepared to hog tie Nic if he didn't let him and Bella in the Emos after the stunts the two had to pull to get the frikken signed dvd, noticed a safer alternative. He noticed a calendar. The date was a saturday.

When Edward voiced this fact to the annoying and evil Nic, he chuckled again.

"I know that," the jerky Emo said.

Edward rubbed the sides of his temples faking a head ache,"Then why aren't we in your Emo goup?"

Nic shrugged his shoulders,"I dunno, I just wanted to hear you say it."

Bella inhaled deeply,"So what you're really saying is is that we have to end sentences with "In my bed" or "In my pants" to be in your cult."

Nic pursed his lips,"Yeah, pretty much."

Bella gave Edward a look that shouted "Let's just get this over with".

Bella started a sentence monotone,"It seems strange things are going on-"

Edward tried to force the words out, but just sputtered. He couldn't seem to find his voice. Bella put on a tight smile and rather roughly shoved Edward in the ribs. Though it was intended to get Edward to spit his words out already, she ended up bruising her elbow instead.

"-In...... my.....pants,"Edward said, the words coming strangled out of his mouth.

The Emos, except for J.T, snickered. Flint clapped his hands frantically in enjoyment. Nic wiped a tear from his eye and continued to laugh.

Edward clenched his fist,"Are we in?"

Nic wiped away another tear and answered absentmindedly,"Yeah, sure. You're in. Woohoo."

Before Edward and Bella could cheerfully beat the Emos to death, a small rumble was heard. The glass from windows of surrounding stores wobbled slightly. The chandelier hanging from the ceiling of the mall swung a little bit, but increased as the small rumbling sound got louder. The Emos, now with the edition of Edward and Bella, turned around to meet a mob. Not the ones who had run off to the Electronics Emporium, but one of mohawked, The Killers t-shirt wearing, angry, skateboarding teens. The punks were all on skateboards dashing towards Edward and Bella. The one leading the group was non other than the shaggy blonde haired Rob Weathervane. Scampering towards the Emos in a scared fashion was the chihuahua, Cupcake, with his tail in between his legs. The dog ran behind Edward's legs cowering in fear.

"Oh, banana bread," Nic whispered as he spun on his heel and began to run screaming and flailing his arms.

The rest of the Emos followed suit, leaving only Edward, Bella, and the dog standing in the impending Punk Doom of Doomness. Edward, who read rather morbid thoughts from the Punks, was now seriously questioning Bella's safety. All the Punks' and Emos' thoughts centered around killing. Edward grabbed Bella by the arm and draped her over his shoulder. He ran as fast as he could without looking vampire-ish. The dog scampered by Edward's side, desperately trying to keep up with his pace.

The Punks were following just behind Edward. As one of them reached his hand over to grab the collar of Edward's shirt, Edward jumped up and grabbed a hold of the grappling hook that he just so conveniently was there from when Bella used it. As Edward climbed the grappling hook, he could here the Chihuahua's thoughts of rage.

_Thanks for leaving me stranded here with all these freaks, you stupid douche vamp._

Edward looked at the dog apologetically before he finally reached the air vents. The Punks were now piling around Edward and Bella, some even with plastic glowing Light Sabers. Edward frantically ripped off the grate of the vent and hoisted Bella up. When she was safely in, Edward climbed in.

Bella whispered to Edward,"What do we do? We're stranded in these vents."

Edward swallowed nervously,"Yeah, I kind of don't know the inner exterior of this mall's vent system, so I would have-"

Edward's rambling was cut off by his ringtone. He fished around in his pocket until he found the small device. Alice's name flashed repeatedly on the screen.

"Hey, Alice, I can't talk right now. I'm in the process of-"

Alice interrupted him,"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know your little went with your plan instead of mine, didn't you? What did I tell you about going against-"

"Shut up, Alice. Could you just tell me where I can get Bella to safety?"

Alice sighed loudly from the other end.

_BANG!_

The grate of the vent was ripped open. A sea of hands all reached up at once, grabbing the air in desperate attempt to drag the Glee stealers down. Edward and Bella screamed as the hurriedly crawled down the vent. One hand gripped the side of the vent entrance and pulled himself up. A mess of shaggy blonde hair appeared. Rob had the look of blood lust in his eyes. Though he'd never admit it anyone except for his pet iguana Elvis, Rob was in love with Glee. He was the biggest Gleek you could ever meet. Rob only pretended to half heartedly accept the autograph, though inside he was squealing like a little girl at a Jonas Brothers concert. No vampire-human hybrid couple was going to steal his signed Glee DVD.

"You both are so dead!" Rob snarled.

Edward and Bella didn't bother to look back and retort. They kept speed crawling through the vents. Rob followed quickly after, letting loose feral growls. His teeth were grinding against eachother. His eyes were slits, narrowing in anger. Edward, acting hastily, punched a hole in the bottom of the vent. He got a grip around Bella's waist and with his free hand used his mad vampire strength to spread the hole wider. He jumped through it with Bella in his arms and landed easily on his feet. As Edward and Bella darted away from the vents, a pale hand in a balled fist appeared from the hole.

"Curse you, Cullen!"

Edward smirked. Another human bit the dust.

_Another one bites the dust! Another on gone and another one gone...._

Edward started doing a weird combination of the tango and the macarena with Bella. But before their dance party of happines could continue, the mob of Punks, and the chihuahua, came running towards the two. While Edward was consumed in his happy dancing, Bella took notice to this. She wriggled out of her boyfriend's grip and ran to the safe confides of a nearby store with four muscular male employees and three police officers. Edward stood dancing.

"GET HIM!" a punk yelled.

The mob of Punks proceeded to tackle an unsuspecting Edward. A pale fist met Edwards cheek. A familiar looking pale fist. The same fist attached to a curly haired guy who looked jacked up on steroids.

Emmett.

Bella watched with humor, along with the employees and the police officer. They stood chuckling as Emmett continued beat Edward. Bella felt for Edward, she really did. But she never saw Emmett beat up Edward before. Ever.

It was highly amusing.

The 3 stood chortling at the sight of Emmett's hands around Edward's throat. Edward's hands reached for Emmett's neck. The two vampires fell to the floor strangling rolled around a bit before stopping at the foot of some stairs. Emmett was now straddling Edward's waist.

"How could you join a bunch of no good, pale, apathetic, creepy, punks like Emos?!" Emmett shouted outraged.

Edward rolled around so that it was him who was straddling Emmett's waist, "What do you mean 'creepy punks'? You just described us!"

Emmett growled at his brother, "I am NOT a creepy punk!"

Bella leaned over to one of the strong guys beside her and whispered in a high voice, "Deniuhhhhlllll."

The two vamps continued to wrestle and roll around the linoleum floor. Swear words and many grunts passed their mouths. Emmett's hands stayed firmly gripped around his brother's continued to aimlessly throw his fists in random directions.

One of the Emos, Nic, no less, had a mischievous grin on his face. He saw how close to falling down the stairs the vampires were. Since Edward was so wrapped up in his attempts to beat up his bro, he failed to read the sneaky Emo's mind. Nic whistled in a non-chalant way as he inched towards the stairs. He finally reached his destination by Edward's side. He stuck out his foot, intending to nudge the two to send them rolling down the stairs. Before he could, a pale body beat him to it.

The body crashed into the vampires, and they lunged foreword. The three bodies meshed together as they rolled down. Emmett and Edward were much too shocked as to who would be physically able to push two strong as rock teen boys down stairs to stop them rolling. They screamed in terror as the stranger grabbed each of them in a headlock with either of his arms. As they rolled downward to an impending doom of sorts, the three heard a faint squeak from the small chihuahua and the shouts of mall security gaurds shouting after. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**A/N: Review, please. Or I'll hogtie you and make you watch the 1st season of Jersey Shore......... stupid show.........**


	7. More than Meets the Eyeliner

**A/N: I'm ba-ack! Yay! Just to clarify some things: I understand "emo kids" aren't actually how I'm portraying them. I also understand that the bands I mention aren't "emo" either. I mention them because I love them! Especially MCR! They're my idols…. And of course that sexy Mikey Way and his unicorns…**

Carlisle Cullen was faced with a rather irksome predicament.

He was bored to tears, or at least he would be if he could cry.

As the head general surgeon of the Northwest Seattle Hospital, rarely did he have down time. Someone was always being rushed into his operating room, and normally with some very serious and debilitating injury. Thus, Carlisle's days were filled with excitement on all corners. One man would experience cardiac tamponade here and need urgent care, while another would be rushed into the ER with a brain hemorrhage and a severed leg. Such cases obviously required a skilled doctor. One who could make hard and fast decisions and think on his feet. Fast paced and full of action were the halls of the hospital.

Except for today…

Carlisle stared at his pager, silently willing it to go off. He hoped for something, for _anything_. His preferences were trauma cases, but for God sake's, even an appendectomy or some suturing would do! He stared at the clock above his office door. The hands moved ever so slowly, dragging his empty day out. Suddenly, the hands stopped dead in their tracks.

Anger flared like a wild-fire blazing through Carlisle's system. He shoved his desk away and pointed an accusing finger at the offensive object.

"God dammit, you will NOT mock me! I AM A SURGEON! I went to four years of med school, earned a master's degree! Damn you, I have seen things you wouldn't-,"

"Ahem!" Carlisle's rant was interrupted by his secretary Shonda bursting through his office doors. Carlisle glanced at the woman. She was a short, saucy woman with skin like milk chocolate and a hard disposition. She didn't play around.

"Doctor Cullen, is this a bad time?" Shonda asked, one of her perfectly tweezed eyebrows arching in inquisition.

Clearing his throat, Carlisle smoothed the front of his coat in an effort to compose himself. He smoothed the top of his perfectly quaffed gold locks and straightened his collar. With a criminally charming smile he turned to his secretary.

"Shonda, what can I do for you?" his words flowed smooth as velvet.

Shonda remained unfazed. Crossing her arms she tsked to herself. Dr. Cullen was certainly a brilliant surgeon. However, Shonda couldn't help but worry about him. The man was incredibly handsome, no one could deny that. Shonda, though, found him rather pale. He possessed the pallor of a corpse most days. In fact, the only spots of color on his skin were the deep purple bags under his eyes, signs of sleepless nights. His complexion was so poor it was almost as though he never once stepped foot outside of the closed confines of the Seattle hospital.

The secretary caught herself smirking. Knowing Carlisle Cullen and his dedication to saving lives, he probably never did leave the hospital. How he always had his abundance of energy was beyond her.

"Shonda," Carlisle repeated, "Can I help you?"

Shonda gave Carlisle playful smirk, "I think you're the one who's gonna need help, Dr. Cullen. You have a phone call waiting from the police. Something about a brawl between yo' boys."

If vampires could experience migraines, Carlisle would undoubtedly have the mother of them all. It appeared that his adopted sons couldn't remain out of trouble even on a lazy Friday afternoon. Rather than using their time to hunt or at the very least homework, they instead choose to start chaos at the local mall. The most mundane town inhabiting the most mundane people, and they most likely secured a spot on the regional news for their reckless behavior.

"One job. We have one job as vampires, and that's to keep it a secret. Why in the world would they…" Carlisle muttered to himself. Situated in his Aston Martin, the vampire sped on to the Forks' Mall. As it turned out, the call was indeed from the town police. They informed Carlisle that his sons were in their custody and that he was needed to go down to the mall. What for Carlisle was unsure of and shuddered to imagine.

Upon arriving at the mall's parking lot, Carlisle was bombarded with the wail of ambulance sirens. The blue and red lights of police cars dashed by, the blur a foreboding sign of consequences. Carlisle drove on in pursuit of a vacant parking space. Every spot he encountered was occupied by either an ambulance or car of a worried relative. Panic engulfed his body. Though not a religious man, he prayed to the good Lord that whatever Edward and Emmett had done did not merit jail time. The last thing they needed was attention drawn to them.

With his concern growing, Carlisle finally pulled into the last remaining empty spot in the parking lot. He shut of the engine and reclined back in his seat. He stared at the sky for a moment. Swallowing loudly, he departed his car and made his way to the entrance of the mall.

The wary doctor swung through the revolving glass doors to the lobby. He had to admit that for a town that was for the most part mediocre, it had certainly erected an ornate shopping mall. The lobby was a crystalline marvel. Rather than slapping on a grout or linoleum floor, the constructors had opted for black granite flooring. A thin layer of crystalized glass created the façade of a thousand sparkling stars in the night sky.

A mass of bronze limbs hanging in the air adorned these floors. The large chandelier remained the most ostentatious piece of furniture Carlisle had seen to date. Its hundreds of arms were lined with rows of tear drop diamonds. Hanging on its underbelly was a large arrow-head. There, thick roped chains hung.

This picture of elegance and grace was unusual for a town like Forks. Few and far between were the finer accessories to life. Things such as concert halls and fine dining did not exist in the shabby town. It was an unwritten rule that gold was not to be found in the pile of rubbish that was Forks. This, Carlisle supposed, was why it didn't come as big of a shock to find the lobby in ramshackle order. It figured that the one nice structure of the town would be short-lived. He surveyed the scene in front of him.

The room was in desolation. That gorgeous granite floor was marred by deep spider web cracks. That grand chandelier had a majority of its arms broken off and bent at odd angles. The debris of its fallen crystals littered the floor like delicate snow fall. Several of the customer service desks, carved from fine mahogany wood, were charred around the edges as though flame tried to overcome them. Carlisle shook his head and sighed.

"This is why we can't have nice things."

The mall jail was something of a joke compared to the rest of the establishment. While the majority of the mall was nicely tailored and carefully crafted, the jail was not. In fact, it was makeshift. Off to the side of Doggy Style grooming was a chain link fence. This fence blocked the general public from entering a long narrow corridor. The light receded in the hallway in such manner that made it seem that whatever was at the end of the hallway was sinister and dark.

The reality was far from this assumption. The poor light was due to shitty fluorescent lighting and poor design. In all actuality, the only thing at the end of the hall way was a small room with a bare mattress in the floor and a bench. The only sinister thing there was the room's gaudy orange finish.

Carlisle trudged passed the fence and down the hall way. His mind passed the flurry of activity throughout the mall. By now, his thoughts centered around the hospital. Surely with all those ambulances taking off, the hospital would need all hands on deck. Carlisle was sure his pager was going crazy. His pager, oh that beacon of surgical glory. He imagined the trill of its ring, its promise of trauma and blood. His eyes fluttered in ecstasy at the thought.

Blood and gore. Every surgeon's craving.

Carlisle was brought out of his reverie when he nearly ran down a man strongly resembling Paul Blart. The man was short, stout, and had the upward turned nose of a pug. Beside him was his crony. He was a gangly teen boy with the hint of a mustache sprouting on his upper lip. He smelled of Play-Doh and Old Spice. Both men were donning egos that were undeserving for the likes of mall cops. Carlisle choked back his laughter as he digested their small biceps and what they supposed were their intimidation snarls.

"Good afternoon. The town police had directed me here. My boys are….?" Carlisle greeted them.

The short man folded his arms and pursed his lips,"Sir, I hope you understand we here at the Forks Mall are trying to run an establishment-"

"RUN AN ESTABLISHMENT!" cried the teen boy as he flailed his arms.

The short cop put up a hand to silence his lackey, "Thank you Bodhi. As I was saying, we're trying to run an establishment. That's hard enough without your delinquent sons disruptin' the peace and startin' a riot!"

Carlisle gave them an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry, I'll be sure to punish them accordingly."

The short cop narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. While he was unconvinced by the sheer lack of remorse on the doctor's face, he led Carlisle to his sons anyway. He unlocked the door to the small holding cell to reveal quite a scene.

Emmett, burly and intimidating, was held in a headlock by lanky and gentle Edward. Or, at least that was what Carlisle remembered Edward as being. The boy in front of him was far different from the one he was used to seeing. Edward was something otherworldly now. His hair was a black nest and his face was caked in make-up. His ears were accessorized by metal hoops and his clothes were grungy and far too small. Even his normally composed demeanor was replaced with a surly and agitated grimace. Carlisle realized this was the first time in his existence he had seen Edward looking like an actual teenager.

Recovering from his shock, Carlisle put his hands on Edward's and Emmett's chest. Both boys ignored him and continued to snarl at each other. They bared their porcelain teeth as low growl emanated from deep within their chests.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked in a composed manner.

Edward and Emmett broke their shared glare and simultaneously shouted, "He started it!"

Carlisle sighed. At times it was as though he was dealing with five year olds rather than hundred year old men. It was going to be a long afternoon.

"So you're telling me that this new look is all part of some weird Emo fetish?" Carlisle asked, still confused as to why Edward was dressed for Halloween.

Edward sighed, "No, but close enough. I'm not explaining again."

Emmett was sulking next to Edward. Having just been scolded for starting a riot and breaking several unrepairable and priceless center pieces, he was feeling low. On top of the fact that his own brother was hanging around with a bunch of creeps, his own father took away his Xbox privileges. He dragged his feet and occasionally threw Edward a dirty look.

The three vampires walked past the food court. For the most part, the situation was under control and the fires had been put out. The mall would be repaired, though never to its full former glory. Even so, no lives were lost and only a few were left with mental scars. As the trio walked past the taco stand, they saw a small long haired Chihuahua. The same one that assisted Bella on her heist.

_Bella._

Edward suddenly remembered his beloved girlfriend and dashed towards the Chihuahua. The Chihuahua appeared to be waiting for him and quickly lead the way. The two dashed to through the third and fourth floors until they reached a lone staircase. They climbed the steps and pushed through a door marked Employees Only. Their destination was the rooftop of the mall.

The roof top of the mall was a front row seat to a spectacular view. It overlooked the entire town and had enough height to faintly see the shore line of the local beach. A picturesque sunset was currently showcasing a myriad of spectacular colors above the town. Brilliant reds and oranges swirled in the sky. Fluffy clouds hung lazily around the sun, snow against fire.

The dog scampered to the edge of the edge of the roof. Edward followed suit and found Bella and the group of Emos sitting, all with ice pops in hands. They were laughing and chatting and in general having a grand old time.

_What. The actual. Hell?_

Bella looked up to see her boyfriend's perplexed face. She got up and clutched his arm. Kissing him gently on the cheek, she grabbed his hand and led him to the edge. Nic was talking animatedly with his friends and using erratic hand gestures. Flint and J.T and the rest roared with laughter. The female Emo, who Bella learned was named Naomi, cast a cool gaze over Edward as he sat down. At last her lips turned upward in a half smile, and she handed him a chocolate ice pop.

Edward accepted the frozen treat, though he couldn't actually eat it. He looked out into the setting sun with his arm firmly intertwined with Bella's. He was at peace, more so than he had been with this particular group all day. He turned to them and began to speak.

"So what happened? I thought you guys were being chased by Rob and the other Punks?"

At this, the group, including Bella, broke into a fit of chortling. As things turned out, the whole mob chase was quite common between the Punks and Emos. Each time the Punks were hell bent on beating the crap out of the Emos, the latter just sought refuge on the roof. Each time they did this, and each time the Punks were none the wiser.

"So you guys hide up here all the time and those idiots still never caught on?" Edward asked in disbelief.

Nic shook his head yes,"Yuh-huh. We come up here so much, we have a mini cooler plugged into the outside electrical sockets filled with ice cream. It's kind of tradition we sit up here with sea salt ice cream and watch the sun set."

Edward and Bella shared a glance. Perhaps there was more to the Emos than they had initially thought. Bella rested her head in the crook of Edward's shoulder and gazed out to the serene town. She was excited to see where this experiment would take her.

**A/N: So there ya have it! I finally updated and I will most certainly try to update more often. I'm trying to make writing a habit again. The ending was a bit weak, but I'll try my hardest to get better. See ya guys next time!**


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